Let’s talk about crossdressing.

It’s something that I used to do. Is it something you do? 

If you’re into crossdressing, you might be wondering if this is a kink - if it’s something that you like doing in part because it’s forbidden - or if it might be something more.

Maybe you’re trans. Maybe you’re a trans woman.

My Cross-Dressing Story

When I was younger, I thought I was a pretty “normal” person.

I felt weird, and kind of gross about the feelings of arousal that I had when I wore women’s clothes. It was strange and confusing, and I didn’t have context for it. It didn’t make sense to me.

So I hid it, from everyone around me, and myself. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t maintain this kind of secrecy.

That first period of secrecy, keeping completely silent about cross-dressing and doing it only when you are alone, is probably the most frightening time as a cross-dresser. You don’t have anyone to share this part of yourself with, and you live in fear of being discovered because that would lead to discussions you’re not ready to have.

When I wore women’s clothes I felt aroused, and for a long time I thought this was just a kink I had, until it led me to explore more deeply.

How Does Your Fantasy Feel?

In a conversation with someone in this position recently, they said something to me that stuck out.

“I fantasize about being a woman in non-sexual settings.”

A kink or a fetish is usually sexual, and the fantasy revolves around sex. If you fantasize about being a woman exclusively in the bedroom, and that’s the only time you think about being a woman, it may be a kink.

If you fantasize about being a woman in everyday life, doing normal things, this fantasy might not be sexual at all. It might be a fantasy about embracing your femininity.

Of course, it is possible and normal to have both fantasies, which can make it confusing. Is this more about sex, or is it more about how you want to exist in the world?

As if this wasn’t difficult enough, there is also denial.

Defeating Denial

The trouble with denial is that it is usually two steps ahead of you.

It’s not like anger or sadness that you can deal with at the moment because by definition you don’t know that you’re dealing with it. Denial removes the problem from view so that you can’t even see that you have a problem.

Although I had plenty of reasons to recognize that my interest in cross-dressing was more than a kink, accepting that I was trans would have opened a can of worms that I wasn’t ready to deal with.

Instead of facing my feelings and embracing who I was, I remained in denial. It was easier to believe that I just enjoyed a kink than it was to accept that I’m a trans woman.

So for a while at least, I kept cross-dressing without realizing I was trans.

Figuring It Out, Finally

The way to figure out whether you are a cross-dresser or a trans woman is to take this behavior out of the bedroom and see how it feels in a different context.

For a long time, I only cross-dressed sexually, and that helped me figure out that I enjoy that. I would get dressed up and do something with a guy or myself, and I liked that.

When I made friends with local trans people and started going out with them, dressed up, I realized there was something more than sexual to this. I was so happy just being a girl with the girls. I didn’t pass and I wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t matter. I was accepted, and I felt very happy being myself in the world.

How does it feel to wear women’s clothes in bed? How does it feel to be a woman in the world?

If you are happier as a woman in AND out of the bedroom, you might be trans, like me. 

The only way to know is to experiment and watch how you feel.

Crossdressing is just a kink for some people -and it might be for you - but if you think seriously about being a woman outside of sex, it’s probably something worth looking at more deeply. 

If you want to talk to other trans people about cross-dressing and lots of other topics, join my discord community, where we have discussions like this every day. Remember to sign up for my email list so you get my latest content. You can support me on Patreon if you like, and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel and hit the bell so that you get notified every time I release a new video!